Meet These Kids Where They’re At
Told by Anonymous
Written by Laurie Grobman
Twenty-seven years ago, when they were teens, Lisa’s (not her real name) boyfriend and father of her son was shot and killed by a family member. It was devastating for Lisa, missing him and having to raise a child on her own. Looking back, Lisa didn’t have the help and the tools that she needed to properly grieve. Her parents told her, “Oh, you don’t know love. That’s not real love. You’ll get another boyfriend” because she was young. Her traumatic loss was never addressed properly, but Lisa just kept on going.
Lisa didn’t share much about her son’s father with her son for most of his life, thinking that since he’d never known his father, he wouldn’t feel any emotional pain. She visited the cemetery without him and rarely spoke to him about her father. But she recently asked him how he feels. There are things he wished that he could have had, experiences he wished he could have gained from having a male figure in his life when he would see other kids with their dads or different things. She’s learned how the impacts of violence are far and wide: “It has a lasting effect on everyone.”
Today, Lisa and her daughter live in Reading amidst elevated violence: “I hear a lot of gunshots. My daughter hears a lot of gunshots. The violence is around us.” She’s always on edge, watching, and wondering if violence will break out.
A couple of times I’ve seen a couple of kids after school, and they’re kind of moving funny digging in their pockets. So now I’m watching them to make sure there’s nothing. Just as much as we’re looking at them, they’re looking at us too. Everybody’s looking over their shoulder or looking over their back or just observing, is this person going to try to do something? Is that person going to try to do something?
It’s a different city from when Lisa grew up, when neighbors were neighborly, interacted with and looked out for each other. Adults looked out for everyone’s kids. “Now, you can’t say anything to anybody’s kid. Because if you say something, the parents are going to go off.” Fewer and fewer residents who live in Reading have roots here. A lot of people move in and out constantly, so it’s hard to build that sense of community. There’s little trust.
As a kid, Lisa and her friends could go from the south side to the north side of Reading without a problem: “We were all one city.” That’s changed: “You live on this side, you live on that side, and it’s a lot of drama over nothing,” but it has deadly consequences. Kids are being recruited and they join a gang, a set, OR a group because “if you’re not a part of it, you’re standing alone.”
Parents working two or three jobs can’t be there for their kids much of the time, leaving their kids alone or watching their younger siblings. Then “they start hanging out. And then they’re influenced, easily influenced.”
Lisa knows what’s happening because she worked in a community nonprofit serving youth and teens for more than two decades. She knows how important after school and out of school programs are to keep youth safe. She’s been there. She’s seen it. She also learned about what’s missing: “We have a lot of grant funding for kids that are involved in after school programs or sports and different activities. But a lot of those dollars are being used for the same child, even though they’re at different organizations. We need to work harder to try to reach the ones who are not coming into the school and the ones who are not going into the after-school programs.”
Lisa wants more attention to be paid to struggling learners that have Individualized Educational Plans (EIPs) and related issues. These students have different goals that are set for them each year, “and a lot of those kids smash these goals. They’re staying on task for their level that they’re on. And they’re doing great. But since they don’t win awards and get recognition in the same way as honors kids, they feel like they’re stupid and many stop going to school.” They need to be recognized and encouraged, not meant to feel less-than.
Lisa wants to see changes in community service requirements for youth and teens on juvenile probation so that they learn something useful that will help them get jobs: “So many youth are on the streets trying to get money, so let them earn money while learning a trade. They can see what it’s like to actually have some money coming in in legitimate ways.
~~~~~
Youth violence is real, and it is painful. Lisa has attended too many funerals of kids she worked with, kids who wanted to do well and not be in the streets. One kid’s father was murdered when he was a baby, his mother was a drug addict, and he went back and forth living with grandparents, in different group homes, and in foster care: “It’s just not an easy life for a young man.” But he always was smiling and happy. He came to the after-school program and played basketball and interacted. Then he stopped coming. And now he’s deceased.
Lisa remembers another kid, a pretty good student. She doesn’t know what his home life was like, but he did have a dad and a mom in his life. He played on the high school basketball team until he was kicked off the team. He went into the streets, and now he’s charged with murder.
And another kid. He and his friends would hang around the building, and they were all respectful. They weren’t in trouble. Their parents were active in their lives.” Lisa gave them rides home at night. Then one was shot in the head while he and two others were attempting to rob someone. Lisa “never would have expected it, such a respectful kid. Ultimately, “you never know what they’re dealing with when they leave your doors. Whether you’re a parent and they’re leaving home, whether they’re leaving school, whether they’re leaving an after-school program. You don’t know what they’re dealing with on an everyday basis.”
Lisa knows we can’t end violence. But we need to and can decrease it: “We need to give kids opportunities. We need to give them love. We need to give them support. And then you
go from there. Just because kids are out in the streets doing bad things doesn’t mean that they’re bad people. Some of them weren’t given any opportunities. Some of them are doing it for show. Some of them are doing it because it seems fun. Some of them are doing it for protection.”
Lisa is emphatic that we must “meet these kids where they’re at. Let them tell you what they need. Let them tell you what they’re missing. And then we go from there.” Lisa also implores adults to work together: “If we can’t come together as a community, we’re not going to be able to make an impact.”