Nicholas Cumer
I Had to Say Goodbye Twice
Told by Jennifer Braddock
Written by Laurie Grobman
Nicholas Cumer died a hero on August 4th, 2019. As gunman Conner Betts shot and killed nine people and injured 27 others inside Ned Peppers Bar and Grill in Dayton, Ohio, Nicholas pushed two of his friends out of the gunman’s line of fire and saved their lives. In so doing, Nicholas left himself exposed.
It was the second, though lesser known, mass shooting in the United States on that day, the other at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas. But it was just as devastating.
Nicholas’ biological mother, Jennifer Braddock, was notified of her son Nicholas’ murder by his adopted parents, while driving home from a vacation. “I told my significant other to pull over. I needed to get out of that seat. I needed to scream. I needed to feel that emotion. Everything just stopped.” Jennifer used her phone to find Nicholas’ name and photo from a report of both mass shootings, by then all over the news. “I lost it. I fell apart.” Then she saw the shooter’s photo. “He was about a year younger, a very troubled kid. He killed his own sister. He just had no respect for human life. Complete and polar opposite of what my son stood for. I could feel the hatred and anger in my core.”
Jennifer had been in a dark place after she gave up Nicholas for adoption, an agonizing decision but one she made to give him a beautiful life. Nicholas’ biological father and his parents tried to convince Jennifer into having an abortion when she was five months
pregnant. “That was not an option to end his life. I chose to give him life and to find him a loving family who could provide for him.”
Over the next four months, Jennifer grieved the loss of her boyfriend; they had been planning a life together. She did not see him again until he came into the hospital room when Nicholas was born to sign away his parental rights. The baby’s biological father and his mother and stepfather went to the birthing room where “Baby Boy Braddock,” his hospital name, was, and saw him with his own eyes. But Jennifer never could. “I didn’t even see my own son. That’s how everything was set up to be with the private adoption. I had a C-section. I was put under, and as soon as I woke up, I was no longer pregnant, but I did not have a child.” The hurt was exacerbated when the biological father told Jennifer, in that moment, “If you want to keep our son, my mother and stepfather will help us financially.” And she said, “The only thing I want from you and your family is your name on those papers and get the hell out of my hospital room.” To Jennifer, Nicholas had the best adoptive parents. They had agreed that Nicholas would always know that he was loved by his biological mother and would share details of Nicholas’ life with Jennifer as he grew up.
But Jennifer suffered a great deal, calling it a “dark time. “And I didn’t even have the will to live. After the pregnancy, and the adoption closed, then I finally sat down and dealt with all the aftermath, the emotions, everything that comes up with that. People look at me and question, “Weren’t you pregnant? Where’s your child?” I wasn’t ashamed of it because everything within me said that I was making the right decision. It wasn’t shame, but loss of having to say goodbye, not knowing if and when I would see Nick again.”
At 15, Nicholas decided to find his biological mother. He’d been egged on by one of his friends, “don’t you ever want to find her? Don’t you ever want to meet her? Don’t you ever want to hear the story that she has to offer you?” And he did. Coincidentally, Jennifer was looking on a genealogy site, and she saw that her son was looking for her. She responded to the inquiry and met Nick for the first time along with her daughter who also didn’t know the circumstances of the private adoption. This first meeting validated everything for Jennifer, and the adopted parents are now considered family, a sister and brother for Jennifer to call her own.
Jennifer and Nicholas forged a very close bond even though the Cumers lived on the other side of the state. And Nicholas called her “mom.” “I brought him into this world, and the Cumers nurtured that life. We are a family because of Nicholas.”
At 25 years old, Nicholas had already had a big impact on this world, including mission work, volunteering his time, and bringing so many smiles and good company to all he knew as friends and family. “He was just such a kind and gentle soul, a smiling, handsome man. He had such a light about him.” The stories people told about Nicholas warmed her heart. She was so proud of the man he became.
But that also deepened her loss. “He could have done so much.” Jennifer missed out on who he would become, who he might fall in love with and have children with, and the grandchildren from Nicholas she’d never know. Even so, Nicholas lives in his sister’s
children’s hearts. Jennifer’s young granddaughter says “Uncle, Uncle” when she sees his photo. And Jennifer “has a feeling that Uncle Nick has whispered probably in both of their ears.”
At first, Jennifer thought God had made a mistake. “Why would he take someone who brought so much joy into this world. It didn’t make any sense to me. I was so angry. And then I thought about it.” Jennifer believes Nicholas was meant to be in that bar on that day to save the two young women who were his good friends. “That was Nicholas. That event was not going to happen any other way, according to my son. He wouldn’t have just stood there or been a coward.” For Jennifer, it matters that God took him quickly rather than suffer. “God gave him the dignity. He died a hero.” One of these women went to Nicholas’ funeral, still bandaged from surgery and grafting. She told Jennifer, “I wasn’t going to miss this. You know I owe him my life. If it wasn’t for him, I might be with him.” She and Jennifer have kept in contact over social media since that very moment. “She has a smile that can light up a room and is living her best life.”
Jennifer’s heart was “shattered” after Nicholas was killed. She was given medication because of horrible nightmares. She had a literal “shake in the core.” She worried it was her heart but learned it was her body reacting to the grief. Therapy began to help her to cope. But how would she manage to get through the days, continue on, and “carry the torch for Nicholas?”
Then she met Kathy in her physician’s office. Kathy’s adopted son had been killed in a car accident, and Jennifer’s physician asked Kathy if she’d talk to Jennifer. Everyone there knew Kathy’s situation with her losing her adopted son. The physician asked for Kathy’s help. Jennifer didn’t know it at the time, but the mass shootings in El Paso Texas and Dayton Ohio on August 4, 2019, were both on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine. Before Jennifer arrived at the physician’s office, Kathy saw the magazine in the office waiting room and removed it. “Ever since that doctor appointment, Kathy was there with open arms. Always a hug. Kathy has been my rock.”
Jennifer “carries the torch for Nicholas.” She is excited to be with him in the afterlife, but to her “my time here obviously is not done. I have two beautiful grandchildren now that I feel like he’s living through them as well as all of us who love him. Whatever I can do to keep his spirit alive, I will do it.”